I hate it when I type out a whole well-thought-out blog, and it mysteriously gets lost in cyberspace. Alas.

I am BROKE. I am not leaving my apartment until I have a job to go to. I am not eating anything except what's in my cupboards (yay for pasta and peanut butter sandwiches and cappuccinos).

I will happily work ANYWHERE at the moment, even a meat-packing plant, if it means making money. Well, maybe. I have calls into a couple of temp agencies that I'm already signed up with, so maybe I can at least do that soon.

I am also BORED. The problem is that I don't want to get involved in too many activities because a) they cost money, and b) I probably won't have time for them anymore once I (eventually) start working. I'm looking for an evening/weekend job b/c even if I get a full-time job, I'm gonna have to work every available moment to pay off my debt. Ick.

Ok, done feeling sorry for myself. I'm thinking about going for a bike ride. That shouldn't cost me any money.

Yes, I'm a dorky vegetarian, and I got this link from Yoga Journal, but go watch THE MEATRIX anyway. :)

And now I'm going to go to the video store on a Friday night and get a yoga dvd. Dammit, I've been sore on every run this week, and I want tomorrow's long run to go better. Yoga is my cure-all.

There are people in my life that I don't speak with very often. I might heard about them through mutual friends, but there's little direct contact. And yet, I continue to think of them as my friends. We might only speak once or twice a year, but we're still somehow close. My high school friends are this way. I'll go months without speaking to them, but they'll still invite me to their weddings. Stuff like that.

What's funny is that I probably go through the majority of my life not thinking of these people. Sure, there will be the occassional song or commercial that reminds me of a particular friend, but by and large they don't even register in my mind. And yet, once I do talk to one of these friends I start to really miss him/her. That's happened to me a couple of times this week. Friends I hadn't talked to in a while, who maybe didn't reply last time I called or emailed, all the sudden reappearing in my life. And now I'm sad because they're far away. How strange.

Until today I had never ridden the bus in Chicago. I used to ride the bus back in SB because there were no other options, but I always took the train in Chicago. There's something comforting about the train. There's a limited number of routes, and you always know exactly where the train will stop. Sure, you could fall asleep and miss your stop, but the train will still stop there. Even in SB, where there were no more than 20 different bus routes, I only ever took two of them. I had to be careful to check schedules first because on one of the routes the bus would only come twice an hour. Buses in Chicago have always overwhelmed me. There's so many routes and so many times. Plus, it's pretty unusual for me to have exact change. Well, that much has now changed. If you live in Chicago and take public transportation, get a Chicago Card Plus NOW! I love never having to worry about having cash, putting money on my card. (I know, I sound like a commercial.) And it makes taking a bus so much better!

Anyway, I had an interview downtown today, and when I went to the Trip Planner to figure out which el stop I needed, it suggested I take the express bus instead. On a whim, I did. Wow, so great! The bus was less crowded, went much faster, and was closer to my starting point and ending point. That last point was crucial because I was wearing super tall stilettos with my swanky new suit. I was a bit worried about the rickety el stairs, so it was nice to avoid them!

Well, that's the end of my plug for the bus. Take the bus. Learn to love it. Save the earth :)

Oh, and my interview went great. If they don't hire me it would be because they were looking for something else, not because I did anything wrong. So, even if I don't get the job, it's nice to be able to get to this point! (Kinda like saying it's nice even to be nominated, but I actually mean it.)

Kim said it better than I can at the moment. Just WOW. Moving to Chicago was worth it if only for that!

You know that Simpsons episode where Marge is trying to join a country club and recycles the same Chanel suit over and over again? That's how I felt earlier today trying to figure out how to where my one suit to a second(!) interview at a company. I tried for the skirt look, the different blouse, etc. Finally I just broke down and bought another suit. I really like the new one-- I think it's snazzier than the first one. And I'll look all professional owning two suits :) Of course, now I"m (more) broke than I was, but I figure owning nice suits is always a good investment. Or something like that.

Off to IG!!!

Woo hoo! 8 miles! I didn't even know I could run that far. Guess that 13.1 doesn't seem so bad anymore. 26.2 still scares me though.

Yeah, so I ran so late at night that I can't sleep now, so I'm up watching Elimidate. Back at the Davenport house, Andy and I used to drink a beer and watch almost every night. We quickly learned that the only night really worth watching is Friday. Apparently they feel that any loser sitting at home watching Elimidate on a Friday night at 10pm deserves a good show. Good thing, because I believe that I once spent 7 consecutive Fridays doing just that. In any case, it's currently Bikini Week on Elimidate, which is usually pretty good. The intro to the show tonight was about how even Cleveland can be the best city on earth when you have girls in bikinis kissing each other (which is, of course, the real point of Elimidate). So far, the show hasn't lived up to its promise. I mean, the girls did kiss, but they are totally skanky-- not the kind you want to see in a bikini (and actually, two of the girls didn't even get in bikinis when they went in the pool). Damn late-night TV and its lies!

The computer is growing on me. It might actually grown into me if I don't put it down for a little while at some point :)

Sometimes anticipation is half the fun. I've been putting off getting a new laptop for a LONG time now. My battery was dead; the computer crashed every two seconds and wouldn't connect to the printer; the CD burner was finnicky, the AC adaptor kept coming loose.... etc. But, of course, I have no income, so I hadn't even researched what I wanted. I wasn't in computer-buying mode.

Until today. I was really motivated to do some hard-core job searching today. I think my laptop was scared to do so much work because it started to smoke. In retrospect, I had been smelling burnt plastic for a while without realizing what it was. Humph. Anyway, computer is pretty much shot. I'm going to take it to a shop to try to recover some of my files, but it's not worth fixing a 4-year-old computer that was only designed to last about a year.

So on my way home from my interview today I stopped at Best Buy and bought anew computer. Just like that. I knew what I wanted (basically the least amount of features I could find, which isn't so easy to come across these days), and it wasn't difficult to figure out what computer was right for me. I got a good no-interest-for-24-months deal. I love that they will extend great credit to someone with no job who hasn't even lived in the same place for a whole month.

In any case, I'm not excited about having a new computer; I'm just annoyed that I have to reprogram my bookmarks and find people's email addresses again. I think it would have been more fun if I had gotten to research and order instead of buying on the spot. Alas. I'm sure I will become enamored with the new machine soon enough, and in any case I needed to have email immediately, so it wasn't really an option.

So, if you're reading this, send me an email with your email, address, phone number, etc, just in case I can't ever get on to my old laptop where all that info is. Thanks!

Well, I was going to start temping next week. Then my phone started ringing off the hook with people who want to interview me next week. So, I'm going to put off temping a bit longer. I hate not having an income, but I also want to be available to interview for permanent positions, so I think this makes sense.

One of the interviews next week is for the closest thing I've found yet to my "dream job." I applied for this position two months ago and had given up when I didn't hear anything. And now they've called! They didn't even know I was living in Chicago, and they were impressed enough by my resume to want me even thinking I lived in Ohio. Anyway, I don't want to get too excited, but this could be an actual break for me. Finally. (And I don't want to jinx it by saying what it is!)

As Eulalia mentioned, there was much fun had last night in Wrigleyville. Got to meet the crazy folks from the bookstore and catch up on their gossip :) I got there around 7 for the $2 drafts, and I was thinking I'd just stay till 9ish since I had a job interview this morning. But luckily, Eulalia saw a sign in the bathroom (the same bathroom that had a dead cockroach on the floor) saying that between 10 and 11 XRT would be giving away Indigo Girls tickets! As I mentioned in a previous post, I'll be out of town when they play in April, but it turns out they will also be in town next week for a private concert.

And so I stayed. And drank, despite my better judgment. How can you not drink when Bass is just 2 bucks? The bar never got crowded, but around 10 the IG fans started showing up and XRT finally made it there. First they handed out hats and t-shirts to anyone with a dollar that had 93 in the serial number. I had 90, 92, 94, and 96. I convinced the guy to give me a Miller Lite hat for my 39.

All of Eulalia's friends were great sports and entered the IG drawing for me. Two of them had names drawn in the first round which gave them a chance to answer an IG trivia question to win tix. With a bit of help Josh managed to correctly answer the multiple choice question "What are the names of the Indigo Girls?" Yay! The nice XRT people let me just put my name on the form so Josh didn't have to go with me.

I left the bar around then so I could get some sleep before my interview. I was drunk enough that I actually set my alarm an hour earlier than I needed to be up, but that's better than the opposite, and there were no ill effects from my drinking :) Eulalia informs me that after I left the bar my name was drawn too, so I don't feel so bad for stacking the deck in my favor!

And now I'm off to pick up Chryssi and begin the Barlo weekend, part 1!

Gotta love Inside Edition. They paired a clip of Gary Barnett saying Katie Hnida couldn't get the ball through the uprights with a clip of her, that's right, kicking the ball through the uprights.

Well, there's a first time for everything. I've heard of girls flirting their way to free drinks and free cable, but I never knew you could flirt your way to free laundry. As usual, I've been putting off doing laundry for quite a while now. Having actually owned a washer in the past, it does seen odd to revert to paying for laundry, but what I like about laundry rooms is the ability to do two, or five, loads of laundry at once. And so I decided today was laundry day. Just three loads to do, so not too bad, although I knew it would be expensive. That is until I went down to the laundry room and found a repair man there. Ok, so I didn't actually flirt my way to free laundry. I didn't even strike up a conversation with the guy. I just walked in and he said, "I'll set up some machines for you to use." And he did, and my laundry is now washing for free. I'm not sure if I just have good timing or if he has a thing for blonds, but either way, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth!

Ok, I am now going to attempt to write a blog that's vague enough that I won't get myself into trouble but not so vague as not be boring/frustrating for the rest of you. (Although, if you haven't figured it out yet, my blog is really just my place to vent, and that people read it is just a happy byproduct.)

I realize that I have a lot of ideals/values/etc. that seem radical and extreme to the general public (i.e., vegetarian/environmentalist, agnostic, socialist, against anything that's "traditional" just for the sake of tradition, etc). I know that while I may have fit in a bit better in Southern California than elsewhere in the world, the truth is that I'm always going to be a bit "out there." I'm ok with all of that, and I'm too stubborn to change anyway.

But the thing is that I don't really try to change anyone else. When people challenge my beliefs I'll debate them, and I'm very firm in my convictions. But while I would like the world to be more like me, and while I might try to make people realize that their world would be better if the environment was better or whatever, I'm not much of a proselytizer.

That said, I don't like when other people's beliefs infrige on me. Now's when I have to get vague. There are certain situations in which I feel VERY uncomfortable because of my fundamental opposition to what they are (ok, so that makes no sense). Anyway, I'm torn between being a good friend and being happy. I know that I can't be selfish in certain circumstances, but it's still incredibly frustrating.

Hmmph, this would have been easier if I could have been more specific! Alas.

Maybe I'm just not meant to have any contact with the outside world :)

Following up on a post from Laz... Is it weird to go to a concert by yourself?

Here's the background: My brother graduates college the first weekend in May. Now, I haven't decided for sure that I'm going; I don't know my work situation yet; and I'm going to Nashville two weeks before that. But I feel like I should go to graduation. True, my brother didn't go to my undergrad or grad school graduations, but he did go to my high school grad, and I didn't go to his. Plus, he's one of my favorite people in the world, and it's only a 5- or 6-hour drive from here.

Now the dilemma: Ani DiFranco, one of my absolute favorite singers and a terrific live performer, has a concert in Cincy that weekend on Saturday night. My brother's school is about an hour from Cincy, and I don't think there's any official graduation stuff that night. I could probably convince my family to go out to dinner in Cincy that evening (since Oxford is really tiny and will be packed with other families), but I think I'd have to go to the concert alone. I can't see it being something my parents or gradparents would like, and my brother's friends who might enjoy it will all be busy with their families.

So, would it be weird for me to go alone? I'm already missing the Indigo Girls' Chicago concert because I'll be in Nashville, and I don't go to a lot of concerts, so when I'm really excited about one, I feel like it would be a shame to miss it, even if I did just see Ani in the fall.

This is me making something small more complicated so I can avoid issues like how I'm going to pay next month's bills.

Hey, I may get to go to work next week. Imagine that... it's been 2 and a half months, not sure I remember how to work! Ok, so it would just be temping, but at least I'd get out of the house and have some form of income. And the same firm is going to try to find me a permanent position. Yes, I'm selling out. Yes, I'll probably end up being a secretary (although probably making more money than I would doing something that would "use my education.") But I'm tired of the whole job search thing-- it's too depressing, and I just need to work again. As I told the lady at the staffing place today, I have enough interests outside work to keep me happy no matter what it is I do during the day. Hmmm, not sure that came out right. :) Anyway, the benefit of this approach is that I can work for the next couple weeks while I continue to look for my dream job (though I'm still not sure what that is), and if I can't find something, maybe the staffing firm will find me something that at least pays well. At least, that's my plan. If that doesn't work, I'm still thinking I can marry well (or at least marry for benefits).

Dammit, this is why I should not have left 20 boxes of books in Ohio. While I do have 4 bookcases worth of books with me, I do not have a single Bible in Chicago, not even one in Spanish or Hebrew. Nor do I have my copies of the apocryphal gospels (books that didn't make it in the final cut of the Bible). I can't possibly intelligently discuss this whole Passion thing without re-reading all of the Gospels (in every translation I can get my hands on). Hmph.

And it doesn't seem like the issue is going away anytime soon. In my job interview today, the interviewer noticed that I studied religion and wanted my thoughts on the controversy. The thing is that to really tell you how I feel, it would require a whole bunch of background. I'd have to explain the history of Biblical criticism and hermeneutics (Spikey's favorite word). Then I could point out that Mel Gibson is once again showing his ignorance by accepting a "literal" version of the Bible (though of which version, I know not) and by believing that the Gospels were written almost immediately after the crucifixion. So untrue. In any case, I'd really like to discuss the movie with other religious scholars who speak the same language. Guess I should have stayed in grad school :)

I may try to thing through this a little more and give a more nuanced reaction. We'll see. What I would like to say though is that if I say that the Gospels were written 20-70 years after the death of Jesus, or that they were written for political reasons, etc, I am not saying that Christianity is false. Nor am I saying it's true. Religious studies scholars, at least in the tradition in which I studied, do not make truth claims-- we simply analyze the "facts," strange as that may sound. So, for instance, I may be able to show historically that one of the Gospels was written for a particular purpose, but that doesn't necessarily make the religion any less valid or true. Just thought I should clear that up because when I start speaking as an academic, my own personal feelings are less important than what I think can be seen historically.

Best way to start a lazy Monday? Go for a 6-mile run out in the cold :) Scott had to do a 13-mile run, so he ran the 3.5 miles from his place to mine, we ran 6 together, then he ran home. So I feel a little lazy only doing the 6! It was so pretty out the lake. A little chilly, but gorgeous. The problem with running south from my place though is that the view is much better on the way out than it is on the way back. Maybe I'll try running north next time. Or go in circles. Or just stick to the treadmill!

For anyone keeping track... Ya know that thing I was so vague about last Sunday? Even though the stupid thing I did is still stupid, it didn't end up having the negative repucussion I thought it would, although other problems could still arise. How's that for being vague? :)

It's difficult to have a productive day when you don't get up till 2. Yes, I went to sleep at 3am, but that's still 11 hours of sleep. Maybe I'm sick. Or just unmotivated.

I was somewhat productive yesterday. Well, not productive, but busy. I read 2 books-- Sue Grafton's "O" is for Outlaw and Stuart Woods' Dirty Work, both mindless, but still entertaining mystery novels. I still haven't figured out if I'd already read "O" is for Outlaw. I feel like I must have; it was written in '99, and I've read everything in the series up to that point. I often have moments early in a book when I realize it's a book I've read before. That's what happens when you read hundreds of books a year (and when the books you read all follow roughly the same pattern anyway). The problem with having read two books yesterday is that the library is closed today and tomorrow. I'm still in my probationary period with the library, so I'm only allowed 5 books at a time. Last time I was in the library, I decided that I need to read a slightly better quality of literature, so the other books I checked out aren't the same easy-to-read trash. But now I'm tired and just want an easy read, but I can't go to the library to trade in my selections. Alas, guess I'll have to watch TV instead!

I only ran 3 miles yesterday, in part because I hadn't eaten a whole lot and didn't want to pass out on the treadmill and in part because I am supposed to go for a long run (6-7 miles) tomorrow and didn't want to injure myself doing that too many days in a row. Since I wasn't running very far, I tried to increase my pace a bit. For a while I was running at an 8:45 mile pace, and my average over the 3 miles was 8:55. That might not sound terrifically fast, but I'm a distance runner. I don't have great speed (and I cannot sprint), but I can keep up that kind of pace for several miles. When I was running high school track, my best-ever half-mile time was 3:05, and my best-ever mile was 7:00, so I'm not ever going to be able to do a 4:00 mile or anything. Ideally, by April 24, I'd like to be able to do 8 minute miles for 13.1 miles (to get a special start place at the Chicago Marathon), and by October 10, I'd like to be able to do 8:23 miles for 26.2 miles (that would qualify me for the Boston Marathon). These are just my goals. While not technically impossible, given my recent training, they are somewhat unlikely. Very few people go out to run their first marathon and qualify for Boston and those that do have been running much longer than I have!

Anyway, the point of my story... Usually when I'm on the treadmill the other people running are going much slower than I am (sometimes walking) or they go quicker (around 8 minutes miles) but don't last very long. Being the highly competitive person that I am, it's always good to know I have more speed and/or endurance that the other people running. Yesterday, the girl next to me was running 8:20 miles and kept going longer than I did. Of course, she did stop occasionally to catch her breath, and her form was awful, but still, she was beating me. That just gives me motivation to train harder! 7pm was kind of a miserable time to run on Valentine's Day though because the treadmills face the entrance to the building, so I saw people showing up with flowers, couples leaving on dates, etc. Alas. I thoroughly enjoyed my night in, so I guess I have nothing to complain about!

Ow, ow ow.

< /hangover >

Dammit, when they say $20 for "all you can drink" in 3 hours I should remember that it's not actually a contest to see how much I can drink!

And when I drop my phone on the el tracks and the guy in the booth says no problem to getting it because the trains have stopped running, I should realize that there's no train coming. And that I'm probably too drunk to walk 3 miles home in 24-degree weather (although, as it turns out, I wasn't actually too drunk to do so).

And when I run into guys on the walk who say they go to school with my brother (they said they went to Miami before I said I knew someone there), I should realize that they're way younger than I am (they were 19) and that they probably just want me to buy them beer.

And when I'm talking to someone on the phone and he says to call him back when I'm home and naked, I probably shouldn't.

Good times. Actually, I did have fun last night, even when I was playing wingman and had to talk to some sketchy guy who races midget cars that his dad builds. Or when I found the guy (or maybe just one of the guys) in the bar who wanted to move to LA and be an actor (I left LA for a reason!), but who was wearing a flannel(!) shirt. I'm glad I left my apartment, and I did actually meet people, though no one I'd really want to see again.

Best thing all night, though, was the sign in the bathroom announcing that the bar has a 5-week Euchre tournament!! Anyone want to be my partner? I LOVE Euchre, although last time I played in an official tournament (at church, no less) I was handily beaten by a bunch of old women who cheated like bandits.

What a beautiful headline: "CBS Apologizes for Grammy Show"

They are, of course, apologizing for the hideous Native American-esque performance toward the end of the show. I knew that would cause complaints. I was offended and almost called CBS myself to complain. But, still, I wish that CBS was apologizing for the whole damn show :)

I really hate Valentine's Day. I'd actually like to say it's because I'm single and bitter, but it's difficult to be bitter when you prefer being single, and I hated Valentine's Day when I was in relationships, too.

So what's wrong with this holiday? Well, to start it's yet another example of Christianity co-opting a pagan holiday (and it's an oh-so Christian holiday at the moment). The pagan holiday was actually pretty cool-- it involved running around naked in the hills in a fertility rite. Not that I want to be particularly fertile right now, but the running sounds like fun :)

In its current incarnation, Valentine's Day is impossible to ignore. Not everything is lovey-dovey, and in fact I think there might actually be more tv shows, etc aimed at the bitter single crowd. But everyone talks about V Day. On Good Day Live today (yes, I know that watching that insipid show is my first problem), the commentators were discussing how sad this time of year is for those women who have no one. Apparently it's not sad for guys, presumably because single guys save money at V Day.

Which brings me to my next point... I HATE the materialism of holidays like this. Let's forget for a moment that they were basically created by Hallmark (anyone who's celebrated "Sweetheart's Day" knows what I'm talking about). Many of you know my feelings about engagement rings. (If you don't, I'm personally VERY opposed to them and would automatically reject any proposal that included a ring.) Every news program I've seen in the past few days has included a section on how to shop for the perfect engagement ring (including looking at the report from the international geologic society or something like that!) Any such program always has a segment where they ask for women's reactions-- is the ring big enough, shiny enough, the right style, etc. Are there really women who think their fiance doesn't love them enough because the ring is too small???

There's a commercial on TV right now that pisses me off every time I see it. A couple is in a plaza in Europe somewhere and the guy shouts out "I love this woman." The woman gets all embarrassed and makes him stop shouting. Then he gives her jewelry (I don't remember what-- ring, earring, necklace??) and she starts to glow. Then she whispers "I love this man." So what's the deal? She doesn't love him until he spends money on her? She'd rather get jewelry than his love? I realize the jewelry is supposed to be symbolic or something, but really, the values in this commercial are just messed up!

Ok, enough ranting for one blog. I'm going to stay holed up in my apartment with the TV off until this horrible holiday is long gone so I don't get in any fights :) Oh, and I hope all my married and dating friends have fun and don't get into fights over inadequate gifts!

Zzzzz.....

As I was rudely reminded last night, tossing and turning while I tried to get a good night's sleep before my interview, I am not a good sleeper. Actually, I usually have an ok night once I fall asleep. What I'm really bad at is falling asleep. Several conditions need to be met before I can fall asleep (yes, I have a minor case of OCD):

1. Caffeine consumption must end around noon, at the latest.

2. I need to have worked out at some point in the day, but not too soon before bed.

3. I MUST read before bed, preferably a mystery novel. If I don't read, too many random thoughts float around in my brain with no real direction, driving me crazy. If I do read, I at least focus my thoughts and will maybe fall asleep thinking about character development or some little plot point.

4. I need to have a fan on, but not pointed at me, to provide white noise.

5. The room needs to be exactly the right temperature. When I lived in SB and we refused to turn on the heat, it was often about 50 degrees in the apartment at night (that's actually not an exaggeration), so I'd sleep in my backpacking mummy sack.

6. I need to have a pillow over my head to block out all light. On especially bad nights, I also wear a stocking cap down over my eyes. Those little masks don't work for me unless I use a pillow too. I like the weight of it on my eyes. Yes, I'm very strange.

7. I need to be alone. Not just alone in bed, actually alone in the room and preferably the apartment. I do not sleep well when I share a hotel room or tent with someone. I tend to toss and turn a lot, and then I worry that I'm keeping the other person awake. So I try to stay still, but that makes me even more uncomfortable...

8. I can't be stressed out about ANYTHING. Last night, all the other criteria were met, but because I was worried about the interview I didn't fall asleep until after 3 and didn't sleep well even then.

Grrr... Sometimes if I'm REALLY tired and/or drunk I can fall asleep a little easier, but those aren't foolproof either and occasionally make things worse. I really need to learn how to sleep. It can be quite a problem.

So much more fun to research for a job I actually care about, one that I feel would make my life have more meaning. As long as I feel good about what I'm doing I truly don't care how much money I make (assuming it's enough to live on, but I can live really cheaply). And researching gave me more ideas about where to send resumes, so all is good again.

Plus, I left the apartment today! I took my research materials down to the new Caribou Coffee in Wrigleyville. I just love Caribou; it really reminds me of Coffee Bean. I don't typically like chains, but relatively small chains like these that seem to treat their employees really well and focus on high-quality products make me so happy. Unfortunately, the Caribous near me aren't hiring. I think there are some out in the suburbs that need managers, but I don't think I could justify a long commute to work at a coffee shop!

It also felt good just to get out and walk. I never thought twice about walking a mile back in SB, but it seems so much further here. I don't know if it's just the cold or if it's b/c there's so much more between where I live and where I'm going. In SB I had to walk several blocks just to get out of residential areas. In any case, I realized today that walking a mile still isn't very far! Walking back and see Wrigley Field when I glanced down the street was fabulous. It was so pretty out that when I got back from the coffee shop I went up to my rooftop deck. Such a gorgeous view, even if I did have to stand in the snow to see it :) I love the outdoors, even in the city, even in the cold. Must remember that in the future!

Ok, I did actual work today. I sent off lots and lots of resumes, and some of my cover letters were actually thought out and heartfelt. One of these days, though, I'm gonna run out of ideas for where to look for jobs. I like to think that Chicago has unlimited positions, but trying to figure out where those positions are might drive me insane. (This isn't a plea for ideas, just a rant. I'll figure it out eventually.)

I went for quantity for the past two days. Tomorrow I focus on quality. I'm going to spend the entire day researching for my job interview Thursday. I want to be as prepared as I possibly can. It would be fabulous to get a job offer, even if I decide I don't like the job (like last time).

Anyone want to do something fun? My life is getting increasingly boring! I'm even thinking I might like to start dating again sometime. Well, maybe. I suppose I would actually have to meet guys for that to happen, and I'm not always very good at meeting new people. Every time I run down on the treadmill I check out all the guys walking into my building. Sadly, all the cute ones seem to be there visiting their girlfriends. So unfortunate. Not that I would actually stop running and go out to introduce myself, but I'd at least have someone to drool over. I need a crush.

The worst part about not working (other than having no income and no benefits) is that I seem to be able to waste an inordinate amount of time. In all honesty, I accomplish more in my free time when I'm working 8+ hours a day than I do when I'm not working at all. For one, I sleep a lot less when I'm working, and I somehow manage to feel more awake on less sleep. And I just do things much more efficiently. For some reason when you know you potentially have all day or all week to finish a project, it takes forever to do it. When I'm working long hours I set aside certain parcels of my free time to clean, cook, pay bills, etc. And I get it done in that time. Amazing.

Part of the problem now is that I'm reading way too much. When I first moved in to this apartment I was watching a lot of TV, but the TV basically bores me. And when I'm "watching" TV I'm usually doing two or three other things at the same time. Reading never bores me, and I'm not very good at putting down a book before I'm finished. (Thus why I finish most books in less than a day.) But I can't accomplish anything else (besides eating) while I'm reading, so I'm not getting much done.

I'm also finding myself being far more productive in the evening than I am during the day, which I don't really understand at all. And it can be a problem, because while the internet and email work pretty much the same regardless of time of day, it's difficult to make phone calls after hours. So, I need to make a schedule and stick to it. And I need to do it soon. I should really be spending at least 8 hours a day job searching, and I don't think I'm really doing that right now.

I'll get to that as soon as I finish this chapter...

The coffee shop job searching isn't going as well as I would have thought. I might need to branch out a bit.

Anyone know a good way to break an addiction? I'm not sure I'm going to be able to quit this one cold turkey. See, I'm a little bit hooked on mystery novels. I have to make deals with myself that I can't read until I do x task or I have to stop at the end of whatever chapter I'm on to accomplish something. Problem is that I always read while I'm eating (usually with the tv on too), but when I'm done eating I keep reading and reading. I would mainline books if I could...

I have another job interview! Yay! Maybe I'll like this job a bit better than the last one... At least, I can hope for that.

And later today I will go off in search of a coffee shop job. Just hoping to avoid the evil empire, even if they do offer excellent benefits. As nice as the small income would be, I think the real upside to a coffee shop job at the moment would be just getting out of the apartment and seeing people, maybe making new friends. And dammit, I really do love serving (and drinking) coffee. There's no such thing as being overeducated for a job if it's one you enjoy doing. (Especially if you didn't have to pay for your graduate education!)

It's pretty rare for me to be truly uncomfortable in any given situation and even more unusual for me to be unable to speak my mind because I'm so uncomfortable. And yet, in one shining moment today I realized that I had fucked things up for myself so stupendously that I bit off the *perfect* witty comeback because I just couldn't speak.

Sorry to speak so cryptically... it's just one of those problems I'm not certain I want to tell anyone about, in part because it doesn't exactly paint me in a great light, and in part because no one would have any sympathy for me anyway! But to clarify, it doesn't involve anyone who reads this blog :-)

In other news... Worst. Grammys. Ever. How hard is it to find compentant techies for one of the biggests telecasts of the year? Really, I could do the job better. Hmm... I do need a job. Maybe they're hiring for the Oscars...

My training schedule today said to cross train for 30 minutes. So I ran 5 miles. At 10:30pm. Guess that means tomorrow when the schedule says to run 4 miles I get to cross train. Or something like that. I haven't run 5 miles since high school. Maybe in 12 weeks I really will be able to run a half marathon. At least I hope so since I now have a plane ticket and a hotel room for Nashville.

Ok, so I left the apartment. It wasn't so bad. Guess I can do that more often. :-)

I've been inadvertantly and constantly comparing SB and Chicago. Some of these comparisons are weather-related and others are city vs. suburb. An example: In SB I sometimes walked to the grocery store b/c I always prefer walking to driving. In Chicago I walk to the grocery store b/c I'm afraid there won't be any parking spaces available when I get back and b/c I don't feel like wiping all the snow off my car.

There's no question in my mind that I prefer Chicago to SB, but there are some definite advantages to living in the suburbs in warm weather. I guess the problem with moving around so much is that you will always notice the deficiencies in your current residence!

I may never leave my apartment building again. I have internet. I have broadcast TV (although I think if I plugged in my TV to the cable it would probably work). I have a workout room with cable TV. I can order in for food. Why leave?